When you are in the heat of the moment, the flames are licking upward and all you think about is the next step forward to avoid the fire. As you go through a crisis, it is a well known fact that your adrenaline rushes and you move even when your body doesn’t realize you need to rest.
I think at this point the numbness has worn off and the beginning stages of exhaustion are setting in. David is healing very slowly but his patience and the ICU psychosis is getting the better part of him at times. He has discovered how to call me from his bedside and uses his iPad to send me text messages as well. I won’t take him his phone because one can only imagine the trouble he might get into at this point. So many know his number and still others have no clue what has happened. He uses these means of communication frequently and freely, at all hours of the day and night!
I cannot imagine the disconnect he is facing and I know he will heal. I have been reassured by so many that they have experienced or witnessed this thing called ICU Psychosis. It is real. The thoughts are rooted in reality while the mind plays dirty tricks on him making the reality quite a tale to behold.
One can only be entertained by the mind in times like these. The stories I hear and the tales that are being told are too far fetched for anyone to believe. Out of respect I won’t tell all, but suffice it to say, it was entertaining. He was more relaxed today and that made the stories easier to say things like; “I see. Really? Tell me more, etc.” Deep down it still hurts to see this intelligent man in this state, even if it is temporary.
As I left him to his breathing treatment and make the journey home today, I kissed him goodbye and goodnight and assured him I am checking on him often as well. He was fine with my leaving and said he could use the rest.
I awaited word from the neurology report and by bedtime still had nothing. Beat and exhausted from spending a few hours at work catching up, a few hours visiting with David and a few hours doing house chores and finally a few minutes with Wilson, I was wiped out. We don’t realize the strain we are under until it is often too late. Wilson and I agreed to early bedtimes and that tomorrow is a new day.
Each day God gives us so much and lifts us in those moments when we feel we cannot bear to go on. Thank you God for each moment of strength! My human adrenaline has faded and my body is spent for today. I rest in You Lord! Take on what I cannot change. Amen
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